beneath a building's facade

goodbye...

2007-01-07T20:09:00.000+08:00

i've been really bored for a couple of months...
i discovered blogging and stuff...
thanks to my cool friends, jessica, makss, co, dardz, afianne...
and now,
i'm really heartbroken...
i do hate my life..
and when i read my old entries,
it makes me feel like
i am a very fake person...
i hate myself...
and this new year,
i have to change...
i am still forced to fake a smile,
but my past entries are making me mad somehow...
this won't be my last farewell..
but eventually,
i have to delete this and end all lies...

well farewell...

thank you...everyone..

feel the rain on your skin, no one else's gonna feel it for you, no one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips, treat yourself with words unspoken live your life with arms wide open, the rest is still unwritten....

5...4...3...2...1...end of countdown

2007-01-03T14:29:00.000+08:00

december 24, 2006=christmas eve

it was a crazy day... i went to my aunt's earlier than scheduled to

help them with some cooking.

my dad just arrived the night before and it was

not pleasant.. i don't know why...

chritmas isn't really nice, for me..

i cooked pasta and made macaroni salad

and my aunt started the party

about 9 p.m.

i love the way my cousins appeared before me

after the games...

and then when the clock struck 12,

we took the presents out,

i received a blue shirt, an orange purse,

an orange havaianas flops, and cash...and also a teddy bear which has

a make-up thingy inside it..i know

i'm not going to use it for quite a while.

and when we got home,

i received an eight gigabyte black ipod from my dad.

although it wasn't what i really asked from

santa but i enjoyed one particular song that was in it.

it was drive by incubus.

i loved his voice...

december 31,2006=new year's eve

we went to my aunt's house and celebrated

new year's eve there. i was so busy completing the 1000 peice Mickey and friends puzzle

which was my original hobby when i'm at my aunt's

house. me and my aunt bond through this certain hobby.

bang! it was still 10 p.m. but my uncle decided to start the noise

by letting my cousins light the fireworks.

i was busy puzzling my head with this mindwrecking puzzle

and i was starting my own bang because

i had an asthma attack...

i hate the holidays...

and now it's january 2, 2007 and i'm looking forward to

go back to school,

just had fever and i still have cough and flu...

ugh..

happy holidays,

i guess..

a very pink day

2006-12-19T16:47:00.000+08:00

let's start from the very beginning..

i was really looking forward about our christmas party and

i was supposed to wear somethng else until my mother

got in the way while i was in the middle of dressing up.

she told me to wear a skirt so that i can wear my

ribboney sandals ( i dunno what it's called) because it looks good

on me daw. before i argued with her,

she presented a pink and a blue sleeveless and i have to choose between them...

it was very sarcastic that a mother would betray her own daughter..

so all throughout the party i wore a jacket, because i didn't feel

comfortable with what i am wearing...

i arrived late at the party which was really

weird because i was never late in any event...

i received an award, which was female drummer of the year...

yeah..cute..

and i gave Irish a candle, Marjen a pair of sandals, Pamela a blue-green purse,

Prado a frame, Jessica and Wowie chocolates, and Jek a teddy bear.

I received a cute coin purse from Pamela and a huge pillow from Prado and a

glass jewelry box from Jek, and it was pink..the color i hate...

and when we got to the exchanging of gifts part,

i gave Jera his cap, which made me feel really happy that

he appreciated it, even though it wasn't his fave color, which is also the color pink...

and when i opened mine,

it was very ironic that i received a pink shirt from Elyn...

ugh.. that sucks..

but i was really happy that i found out that...

nah, heehh...

and i was really happy that i received a very warm hug from Jessica..

thanks!

(^-^)

2006-12-18T20:05:00.000+08:00

what an interesting day..
i woke up early to attend our christmas program.
ahh, and i also felt the chilly air all around...
it was good, considering that there would be another storm coming...
i always wanted to sleep...
jek and i went to the mall and we ate in the
foodcourt,
and the food stinks... and tastes bad...
ugh, to think that it was expensive..
and when i got home,
i was supposed to go to kate's house and practice for
something...
and i wasn't allowed..
because,
my mom raised hell again...
hehe..
she was all mad and...
i just stayed upstairs and wrapped gifts...
i waited 'til she calmed down and
i cooked her dinner..
i hate it when that happens...

*where are you? please... i miss you so much..

another christmas season...

2006-12-15T19:38:00.000+08:00

it's that time of year again...

yeah, most of the people love this season...

but this is the second of my least favorite holiday,

next to valentine's day..

but i love the way it goes,

gifts and all,

but...

every christmas,

i feel really lonely.

i never had a happy christmas before.

and this year,

i can't even feel it.

and i still feel lonely...

i really don't know why...

well,

i'm looking forward to summer...

my favorite time of the year...

"oi co, pagaling ka na! payat mo kasi eh! hehe, hi jessica and makss, miss ko na kayo, sobra... hi afianne!!

tell me...

2006-12-15T16:04:00.000+08:00

2 a.m.

i'm inside this very dark room...and
there was a telephone in front of me...
i was wondering what it was doing there..
and then this booming voice said,
"do you want to call someone?"
i said, "no, why?"
"just answer the phone when it rings."
then,
the phone rang. i picked it up..
"hello? who is this?"
"hey, it's me..."
"oh! do you have my calculator with you i can't seem to find it."
there was no answer...
then the Voice said,
"now this is your only chance, tell him how you feel."
i wanted to cry, but then i told him:
"i hope to see you soon, i miss you. A LOT..."
i couldn't seem to find words anymore,
and i was crying..and i don't know why,
so i put the phone back.
the Voice said,
" so, how do you feel now?"

suddenly, i woke up.
it was 2.15 a.m.
i stood up, and i felt a tear near my eye...

now tell me,

was it a nightmare,
or was it a dream?

i couldn't find it out on my own too...
i'm still puzzled...
what a strange night...

saturday...and i miss you...

2006-12-09T20:17:00.000+08:00

ooohh..staurday,
i went to school to attend CAT...
was looking forwrd to see----- and jessica...
unfortunately,
they didn't come to school..
went to school with slight
puffy eyes...
ugh, i stayed up late to watch my cousin...
well, it's worth it anyway.
and
at lunchtime,
we ate all the food we brought along..
and we ate like pigs..
it was pretty good actually..

and it's saturday...

and i miss you...

a lot...

things..

2006-12-08T18:11:00.001+08:00

i was just relaxing myself today,
been from a tiresome activity,
which helped a lot on my physical ability..
i was just wondering,
what is happening..
i just can't imagine why he would just
quit like that...
ahhh
serenity,
it was such a nice word to hear
from them..
peace...
so good, it's all around...
quit,
quit,
quit...
hehe...
i'm going to hold onto this,
forever...
if i can...

soar high...
pilot,
jets,
airplanes,
and being one of the
air force,
i want it..

i guess?

jump,,
jump..
think and think..
i'm getting distracted...
erase,
all pain from the past..
and face death, someday, it will come...

i'm excited for tomorrow...

ahhhh...life...

things..

2006-12-08T18:11:00.000+08:00

tuloy parin ang pasko

2006-12-08T17:54:00.000+08:00

kagabi...
kasama ako sa caroling ng lorenzo..
kala ko nga di ako papayagan ni mama eh..
pero natuwa xa kasi first tym ko mag-caroling
sintunado pa nga kmi....
habang kumakanta kami, umaambon...
haayy..
salamat ng pla dun sa optometrist, nagbigay
xa ng 500 pesos...
sobrang bait..

tapos ngayon,
sumayaw lang kami sa stage na
parang mga tanga dahil
madulas...
pero okay lang..
saya//
tapos pumunta kami kanila chen pagkatapos
nanood ng step up,
nag-lunch
at nag-magic sing nang 3 oras...
hehe
ayaw paawat ni pax eh..
ayun lang..

naawa ako sa crush ko....

oi!

2006-12-05T17:35:00.000+08:00

ui co! wag mo na burahin blog mo!!

sayang un..

pero kung gusto mo talaga,

ayos lang...

pero para masaya,

wag na!

we enjoy visiting your blog naman eh...

drama queen...

pero kaw bahala...

basta,

un lang...

good luck nalang...

yahoo!

2006-12-05T17:23:00.000+08:00

ewan ko kung bakit... i feel refreshed... siguro dahil sa incidents na nangyari nung birthday ni pamz.. shocks! i was so shocked..! to the max! to the highest level!! everything! well, i guess i drank little, and tinira ko nalang ung cake... grabe ung iba..! may namamato ng yelo, 2 umiiyak sabay tagay, tapos may nagde-debate, tapos... ako taga comfort ng masama ang sikmura.. tagahatid sa cr... in short, dakilang chimay..

as soon as i felt na marami na ang satisfied and ready to go home, i prepared myself to go home too... it was seven pm.. then sumuka si maffy...heehee... so i stayed to help her to vomit, which is so kadiri...kasi nakakapit siya sa akin then naka-yuko siya sa lababo, eh hawak ko siya pati na rin ung hair niya kaya nakikita ko kung ano ung nakabara sa lababo, pati ung niluluwa niya.. ugh..this was the worst drinking session i attended.. but at the same time, i enjoyed it... at least i learned my lesson:
siomai,
ayoko na uminom...
kasama si maffy!
grabeh,
ang daming java rice yun ah!
ayun,
quit na ako sa pag-inom...haayy...
alam na ni mama na nainom na ako, pati daddy ko..so i learned from experience, and i quit...
pamz, belated nga pala!

the funny side of my stressful week

2006-11-30T14:56:00.000+08:00

kakatawa...

monday

okay,
umiyak ako nung monday, dahil nawala ni fortune yung hikaw ko...hehe..kasi nagsimula yun nung hiniram ko ung pin niyang pang-CAT. then ang ginawa niya tinaggal niya ung earrings ko tapos nilagay niya rin dun sa collar ko. sbi niya 2 bear general daw ako..hehe..katawa..

tuesday

nothing special..di ako ganun kalungkot...ksi c kuya jeff nakausap ko...tpos di tlga pwede malungkot ksi grad pic...wala lang...nalaman ni kuya jeff kung cno crush ko... kaasar... kaya nga medyo iniiwasan ko ung crush ko eh...tpos ngpalipad kmi ng kite...katawa nung uwian kasi inaasar lang namin c jp...pati c jera...dhil lgi naming napapansin na naka-NP un plagi..haha

wednesday

badtrip na araw...ung feeling ko parang i'm all alone na..hehe tpos umiiyak ako sa cr...ksama ko c maffy...tpos andun din pla c kat..umiiyak din...ngee...pagdating ko sa classroom, c faffy, umiiyak din! okay, comfort mode naman ako kay faffy, tpos pagbalik ko sa chair ko, c marjen din! tpos tumawa ako, ksi na-realize ko i'm not alone..hehe, kaya nga sa saturday may inuman sessions kmi sa bahay eh, 3 lang kami pero ayos lang..haay...

ganun na ba talaga ang mundo??

today

gumising ako ng 5 a.m. did my daily routine and went out... parang napansin ko, wala atang tao?? then i walked pa rin... pagsakay ko ng trike, sbi ng driver, neng may pasok ba kayo?

sbi ko meron po ata...

sbi kc kgabi cancelled ang mga pasok, from nursery to college...

ahh, ganun po ba?

oo, umuwi ka muna tanungin mo mga kaklase mo..

o sige po..

umuwi ako, tumawag kay pamz, tpos...

na-realize ko...

nka-uniform pala ako...

oo

2006-11-30T14:17:00.000+08:00

di mo lang alam naiisip kita
baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
di mo lang alam
hanggang sa gabi
inaasam makita kang muli
nagatapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang panahon
at ngayon ako iyong iniwan
luhaan, sugatan, di mapakinabangan
sana nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam
sana nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam
ako yung nasaktan
baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
hindi mo lang alam kay tagal na panahon
ako'y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sayo
lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
di pa tin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
kung ako'y nagkasala patawad na sana
puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal
di mo lang alam
ako yung nasaktan na baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
puro siya nalang sana'y ako naman
di mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan
sana iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam
di mo lang alam
kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang
bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan
baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
ako'y nandito lang hindi mo lang alam
matalino ka naman
kung ikaw at ako
ay tunay na bigo
sa laro na ito ay dapat bang sumuko
sana'y hindi ka nalang pala aking nakilala
kung alam ko lang
ako yung masasaktan ng ganito
sana'y nakinig nalang ako sa nanay ko
di mo lang alam ako yung nasaktan
na baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
puro siya nalang
sana'y ako naman
di mo lang alam ika'y minamasadan
sana iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam
ooooo
malas mo
ikaw ang natipuhan ko
di mo lang alam
ako iyong nasaktan

29...nov.29...nov.29-06...what a stupid day...

2006-11-29T18:07:00.000+08:00

i have been feeling a lot of depression lately..
and i have no one to talk to...
until i cried earlier today...
which is not good because i think i cannot control my emotions already...
i even thought of the capital letter S...
which is really bad...
i only think of other people who has problems worse than me..
i feel..

i feel..

.
..
...

sorry guys,
can't really explain it..
it only brings painful memories...

my mom,

friends,

relatives..

only one person knows my past...
i told him because i KNOW i can trust him....

oh,
and i wanna thank

elma,
jek,
and most of all

wowie...

thank you for listening!

you guys are real great friends..

ahhh....okay...

2006-11-23T19:20:00.000+08:00

what a day..
well,
i wanted to go to Bamboo's concert,
but unfortunately,
i have no one to go with...
ugh...
and, the seniors lost to those
juniors...
i had a slightly bad day today...
but when i smell this very interesting
odor that leaves a trail along the
corridors,
makes me smile...
it smells good though i'm allergic to perfumes or such..
reminds me of-?
hehe
should i come to school tomorrow?

???

2006-11-22T19:43:00.000+08:00

do you guys even read my posts?

i feel brand new

2006-11-22T18:41:00.000+08:00

i got so depressd today..

but then,

on one snip of the scissors on my hair made a difference..

i was happy again..

and to hell,

i ate lunch too..

i'm back,

i'm happy again..

i went to the mall and bought a float,

and i was refreshed..

somehow..

i still can't erase the pain

that put a hole in my heart...

they said crying would help...

i was over and done with it after a few days..

it was so cool..

i just had a big headache earlier

because of this damn flu..

i'm so happy again...

and i want to thank a friend...

but my heart was shattered into pieces,

and i can't put them back that fast...

so i guess

i better

let my love go for

a little

while..

until i get back on my feet

and start falling for you again...

thanks...!

the price of happiness

2006-11-21T19:51:00.000+08:00

never was and never will be...

i've always concealed myself.. smiling, laughing whenever i can, and being perky most of the time.

but i get tired too...

do you like the things that life is showing you...

i do know that life is kind of challenging...

you have to struggle to get to the finish...

life can also be irritating..

specially when things aren't going your way..

you told me you love me why did you leave me

all alone...

yeah..

why must you hurt me?

do you think you can make things better?

no..

everyone has a secret

can they keep it

oh no they can't

i know my secret will be revealed soon...

but i think it's a secret worth keeping...

'til the end

is it your heart that's breakin'

all in pieces....

no it's not yours...

might be yours...

but you'll most likely hear mine..

my secret into escaping depression....

chocolates...gotta love 'em...

and

beer...

if...

2006-11-20T19:25:00.000+08:00

"if we are really meant to be,

you should've been standing in front of me..."

get to know me...

2006-11-20T18:26:00.000+08:00

i've posted a blog a number of times before but i guess you don't know me that well. i am greta, you can call me greta, faye, or angel. i am now in fourth year high school and i wanted to become a pilot. for me, soaring up in the skies is a dream. it's cool... i like rock music, and at the same time i like mellow tunes or music that i can reflect to. my favorite season is the rainy season, and during rainy days, i play on my Maroon 5 cd. i have asthma, since birth, the only thng i inherited from my real father. i also have a bunch of illnesses i developed as i grew up. i was independent since i was 10. meaning i was living alone while my mom has to go to work from dusk 'til dawn. i cooked for myself, cleaned the house and every saturday, i go to the grocery.

i am also an atheist. meaning i don't believe in "God". although i've been enrolled in catholic schools since elementary. i love cooking, nad if you want me to cook for you, just call me.

what else?

oh,
i got two stages of depression,
Stage 1.: mild depression> when i eat chocolates instead of lunch.
Stage 2.: super depression> when you see me tomorrow with a new haircut.

you can easily cite me when i am really depressed...

i also hate kids... they annoy me...
but i play with Marian (tchr. mhel's kid), because there is something in her that makes me happy...but i really want to kill her sometimes, but i do like that kid.

that's all i guess... i have to cook dinner, it's beef steak and buttered veggies...yum!

oh, i'm kinda depressed right now, so if you don't want me to cut my hair tomorrow, or you wanna talk to me, call me or i'll call you..

thanks..!

.... part 2

2006-11-19T18:16:00.000+08:00

" I'm turning my safety off,

i'm ready to fall in love..."

yup, i guess so too.

really weird....

i just had a bad day..

asthma, ugh...

i'm not in the mood to post an entry today...

but...

what the hell,

i'm here.!

hey jeca, thanks for posting a comment! ur the best!

....

2006-11-19T18:10:00.000+08:00

if you wanna know who i'm in love with, copy and then paste this on to your MS word or whatever:

NICE TRY SUCKER!

KALA MO SASABIHIN KO SAYO NO?

good luck!

(+...+)

endless, a silent whisper

2006-11-17T18:19:00.000+08:00

the night belongs to us
we're caught in the world of our own
we cling to the hope it will change for us
is it in vain
is it too late,
why did it have to be you than i

i heard the news today
*is this the beginning of our last dance
once around the floor can we do it again
i feel the thrill from words we say
i love you

embrace so much tighter
this could be our last together
heaven sheds tears for wounded hearts
our forever has been torn apart
our vast religions
won't help us answer
what was pre-destined for us to have
since long ago it's hopeless
the world it turns with us
hold me in closer don't let go of me
now we close our eyes and let go to the night
the night, we feel alive
(*)

> this song is dedicated to chen at kew at -----..hehe

the sun

2006-11-16T20:53:00.000+08:00

this song is dedicated to chen, we used to sing this song together...

after school walking home
fresh dirt under my fingernails and
i can smell hot asphalt
cars screech to a halt to let me pass
and i cannot remember what life was through
photographs
i'm trying to recreate images
life gives us from the past
sometimes it's a sad song
but i

* i cannot forget
refuse to regret
so glad i met you and
take my breath away
make everyday worth
all of the pain that i've gone through
and mama i've been crying
cause things ain't how they used to be
she said the battle's almost won
and we're only several miles from the sun

now movin' on down my street
i see people i won't ever meet
i think of her, take a breath
feel the beat and the rhythm of my steps
sometimes it's a sad song, oh
but i (*)

rhythm of her conversation
peerfection of her creation
the sex she slipped into my coffee
the way she felt when she first saw me
hate to love her, love to hate her
like a broken record player,
back and forth and here and gone
and on, and on, and on, and on
(*)

it's all good....

2006-11-16T20:36:00.000+08:00

my life has never been better...
i got what i wanted now,
it's good to feel happy...
they tell me now and then that i look
blooming.....?
hehe
i guess i'm in love...
again,
and i hope i'm not wrong this time around...
i don't want to get heart broken...
as much as i want to tell the world,
i'd rather keep it secret,
because i know
he doesn't feel the same way as i
feel for him
and it's okay,
because i don't expect him
to fall in love with me...

yup,
things are working out so good lately.

but i'll let
destiny decide what will happen in the near future..

happy birthday to me...!

2006-11-12T13:22:00.000+08:00

i celebrated my happiest birthday yesterday...
it was so special...
almost everybody was there...
except armando,
but i do remember that i invited him...
anyway...
but i was sad at the same time...

i never realized that i am about to leave everything....

my friends are my everything...

and even my other relatives...

every friendship that i have established after all

these years are almost gone....

oh well...

i was touched by everyone there...

all those dedications and gifts mean

so much to me..

but what matters to me is their presence...

they were at my last birthday party..

so nice...

what was even nice was......

???

(+...+)

yeah, right...

2006-11-10T18:55:00.000+08:00

wow, another great way to celebrate a day before my birthday is to be

greeted with low grades and frustrating people...

it is so nice to see my friends to be happy...

especially pamela,

so great to see her being on the top three...

i cried the hell out of me today...

so sad that i failed one of my goals...

hmm...

but it's a good thing my mom understood what i'm

going through..

a sigh of relief...

i'm going to celebrate my birthday tomorrow,

yet,

i feel really empty...

it's like,

i don't deserve it..

but,

when i look on the bright side,

i can see that i actually had a great day...

yup...

(+...+)

things that are inside my head

2006-11-09T18:08:00.000+08:00

if you are really interested in what i am thinking about these past few

days, i might as well tell you what it is.

first of all,

i am really thinking about my upcoming birthday..

i'm starting to grow up...phisically & emotionally?

then there is our migration to the u.s.,,

which i think will really change a lot.

another thing is,

about my grades this second quarter...

i hve been thinking a lot lately,

which is also bad for my health....

i have been weeping at night,

and can't even find a reason why do i

like him this much...

this thought makes me cry that

he might be the wrong person again..

and again...

i've been telling myself a lot of times at night,

that it is plain infatuation,

only a crush,

and only a temporary feeling that occurs

within me..

but then..

i end up singing the same old song...

i don't really want to leave...

i just wanted to feel what i have been missing all my life...

i was never loved by a father,

and now,

i'm in the brink of having that

love that i have been yearning for since i was a child...

i didn't have a chance to

know who my father was....

i am now close...

close...

close....

close....

eyes on me...

2006-11-09T17:50:00.000+08:00

this song reminds me of Lorisse and -----...

whenever sang my songs
on the stage of my own
whenever said my words
wishing they would be heard

i kind like it your way,
how you shyly put your eyes on me
did you ever know
that i have mine on you

*darling so there you are
with thatlook on your face
as if you're never hurt
as if you're never down
shall ibe the one for you,
who pinches you softly but sure
if frown is shown then
i will know that you are no dreamer

so let me come to you
close as i wanna be,
close enough to feel
to feel your heart beating fast

you stay there as i whisper
how i love your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know that i have mine on you
(*)

darling so share with me
your love if you have enough
tears that you're holding back
or pain if that's what it is
how can i'll let you know
i'm more than the dress and the voice
just reach me out then
you will know that you are not dreaming
(*)

(+...+)

ugh...

2006-11-07T19:14:00.000+08:00

what an interesting day...we went to the hospital for our medical check-up, and i have to return there tomorrow....my arm still hurts because of the syringe used in taking blood samples...good thing though, i survived the day with these thoughts inside my head...

it's like, i can't stand a day without seeing him...
it's really weird...

while i was waiting for my name to be called, i thought of him... i'm such a silly girl...shouldn't be thinking about these things... it's so moronic...

then i heard my name...

i immediately went to the counter and and this male nurse weighed me and took my height and wrote it down... i sat again and waited...

then i heard my name again...

i have to have my eyesight checked... it was the male nurse, again... he greeted me with a hello, and asked questions about my eyesight...

then it's done...
after a while, i heard my name again...
i have to go to the vital signs to have my blood pressure checked...

and once again, it was the male nurse who weighed me and checked my eyesight... the weird thing is, he has this very warm smile...

that smile. . . . .

reminds me of something. . . . .

or rather someone. . . . . .

i've always wanted to see a smile as warm as his... i was the one who was always smiling at everybody, and i never saw a warm smile like his...

on the contrary, it belonged to someone else. . . . .
it reminded me of my past. . .

hmm....confused?

2006-11-06T20:35:00.000+08:00

i am really confused right now...i mean, should i be? i wasn't supposed to feel this kind of infatuation at the midst of my dillemas. thinking that i might leave this person behind is way too difficult for me... or kind of easy to get away with...?

last night, while i was holding my plane ticket for this certain place, i thought of all the people that i'm going to leave behind... irish, marjen, pamela, chen, fortune, maffy, and then popped into my mind....him. surprisingly, tears rolled down my cheeks. i wasn't supposed to cry, but thinking that i might leave him having the feelings for me (or not), i feel really tangled in my own web... ugh, i shouldn't be thinking that he might possibly fall "in-love" with me...

i might've fallen in love with the wrong person again....

loading......

2006-11-03T17:08:00.000+08:00

hmmm...

my first post....

so good to hear it...

first....

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